Working from home

This morning I woke up feeling slightly under the weather and automatically started weighing the pros and cons of calling in sick. I then realized that with my new job, I can actually work from home. Not all the time of course, but one day out of the office won't make or break my job. It was a huge relief. As a teacher, I always had to weigh the pros and cons of calling in sick because I knew I would have to deal with whatever repercussions the substitute teacher had left for me. If it was a good sub, I would be fine. If it was a bad sub, I was really in for it the next day. Even if the sub was good, I would feel personally responsible for missing out on a day of learning with the kids. It was a lose-lose situation. As I typed away at home today, drinking my tea, I have never felt so not guilty for staying home sick. 

Courtney's Crusaders

Today I participated in a walk for cancer research for CHOP. I thought it was a 5 K, but it turned out that only the runners went the 5 K distance. The walkers went 2 K. It was pretty laughable how short the walk actually was, but that's another story. The main point is that even though I have done such walks or short runs over the years, raising money for different causes, this was incredibly different.

My team of walkers was organized by an 18 year old girl. This girl was my former student, and I've written about her before on this blog. She battled cancer for over a year at CHOP, and has had one year so far in remission. She's become this huge inspiration to kids battling cancer and has had a world of opportunities open up to her. It was an amazing moment to walk up to the tent and see her in the midst of all the chaos, calmly handing people their t-shirts and signing them in. As her former teacher, it was crazy to think about how far she had come since I taught her in 8th grade. She was a teenager then and she's an adult now - with a lifetime of experiences in between. Even though we only walked 2 K, Courtney's Crusaders represented this army of people she has amassed to help her though her journey.

There's no bad time to have a picnic

I spent most of this glorious day outside, first at a fall festival and then at a cider festival. Fall festivals in Philly are the best! I brought my amazing picnic blanket that folds up into a handy dandy bag with me, and it proved to be quite necessary. At one point, my friend and I were waiting for other friends, on a street corner. There was a tiny patch of grass. I looked at my friend, and suggested that we just lie down on the picnic blanket and have a nap until they got there. Within seconds, that tiny patch of city grass was transformed into a comfy resting place, and we were set. Sure, we got some weird looks from the passersby, but I learned at that point that often the only thing holding you back from a picnic is a picnic blanket. Well, and some food if you really want to be technical about it.

Neighbors

One of the things I love the most about where I live is that I live within two blocks of two of my closest friends. This evening, on a whim, one of those friends and I surprised the third with a little birthday treat. Later on, I cuddled up on my friend's couch, eating s'mores, catching up on Downton Abbey Series 3 (I know, SO late to the game! I know everyone dies...don't tell me!!!) and drinking a chai latte. All of this was pretty spontaneous and unplanned - and I'm the kind of person who always makes plans! In that moment I felt so grateful and content in my life. 

Trying to bike like I'm French

I've always loved all things French. I love the language, the music, the art, the food and the overall joie de vivre of the people. So while biking to work today, I tried to pretend I was French. How would a French woman ride a bike?

A French woman would ride in style, preferably in heels.

A French woman wouldn't have a helmet - it wouldn't go with her outfit. She would also be riding a sleek cruiser bike.

Finally, a French woman would never break a sweat.

As I struggled on my hand-me-down Schwinn bike up the long final hill with my bright red cheeks and less than totally savvy outfit, I noted ruefully that I probably would never bike with as much ease as the French. I certainly would never lose the helmet - too many people wouldn't let me get away with that.

Then, I noticed a woman biking with a Starbucks coffee in her hand, leisurely steering with the other hand. Vraiment francaise!

When you go to bed before 8 pm

Yep...that was me. Hence, no blog last night. I also woke up at 4:45 am. I'm such a rock star. 

Organization

Organization has never exactly been my strong suit. I'm more of what I like to call myself a "big picture person" which we all know is just another way of saying that details aren't my thing. If you ever come over to my apartment and it seems organized, I'm just containing the clutter.

Suddenly now in my new job I have the responsibility of organizing quite a bit - curriculum, supervising, apples on occasion, spreadsheets, budgets - you name it. One thing the office has been needing has been a bit of material organization so our educators can easily find what they're looking for.

With a team today, we finally organized the supplies. Since the first day I started with this organization I had been told that the room had never been organized and that it would never be organized. I was met with a fair bit of skepticism when I suggested a change, so I was so proud of myself when it was finally accomplished. I wish I had taken a before picture, but here's the after:

Now if I can apply that same motivation to my apartment, I'll be all set! Who out there wants to tell me my apartment will never be organized?? Does reverse psychology really work that well on me??

Oh how far I've come

Today, driving a couple hundred apples to a food tasting with one of the educators, I drove right by Broad and Erie. As I drove through the intersection, my mind flashed back six years, when I used be there every day. I would take the Broad Street Line, get off at Broad and Erie, stand across the street from Black and Noble (a bookstore - believe it or not), and take the bus with my friend to the very first school I worked at in Philly. So much has changed for me since those first moments standing on that block. I've learned so much, I've had so many experiences, and I've made Philly my home. I would have never predicted, six years ago, that I would be where I am now. 

The man with the bird on his helmet

Yesterday, on a truly beautiful fall day in NYC, my friend and I sat in Washington Square Park to soak up the sun and people watch. Watching one of those crazy live performances in the middle of the park, we couldn't help but be mesmerized by one gentleman in particular.

Sure, it's a fake bird, but I kept wondering what the purpose might be to have a fake bird on your helmet. Ideas, anyone??

Teenage girls or old women?

This weekend I'm visiting my dearest friend from college in NYC. We've known each other for almost fifteen years, we've taken two international trips together and we've spent countless weekends between Philly and NYC visiting each other. When we first met, we were 18. Now, we're 31. Lately, we've experienced moments in which we have started to feel, well, older.

Today, shopping, we stopped in H and M to try and find some fall scarves. Within minutes of being blinded by neon colors and deafened by the loud pulsating music, we looked at each other, shook our heads and wondered, "Are we too old now to shop at H and M?"

Yet we also experience moments in which we've felt much younger. Walking out of the coffee shop today, I glanced back and noticed my friend doubled over in laughter. When we got outside, I asked her what on earth had happened. She told me about an awkward encounter with another customer that wouldn't seem funny if re-told, but somehow to us was hilarious. We walked down the street, howling with laughter like teenagers, causing the other passersby to notice our commotion.

Teenage girls or old women? Obviously we're somewhere in-between.

Pure pride

Today, sitting on the Bolt Bus next to a man and his dog (another story to be told at another time), I received a phone call from a former student of mine. Normally I do not accept phone calls on the bus, but this was a different situation. This student had reached out to me for a job opportunity, and had applied to an internship position in one of the gardening crews at my organization. I knew that our funding had been cut and that there were fewer positions than ever to be filled. Despite the fact that he had been so proactive and professional, I wasn't optimistic about his chances. When he called the other day, so excited about his interview, I felt terrible that he might get his hopes up for nothing.

"Tr. Julie?" he said. I said hello, tried to read the tone in his voice, and braced myself to mentor him through the disappointment. "So...I got the job!" In that moment, I practically yelled my congratulations into the phone (much to the dismay of my fellow passengers). I couldn't help it - I was so proud. 

A moment of kindness

I'm obviously still new to how systems work in my new job, and new to how Penn works in general. One thing is for sure: being in the outside world of teaching is different. For one thing, when I was a teacher and had to make multiple copies, I had to make them myself. The copier would break, I would run out of paper....anything and everything would happen. Now, working within a university, when I need multiple copies, I just order them through Campus Copy. I've done this a couple of times and each time I have been blown away when they have been completed within the time frame requested.

Today, I went to pick up an order of copies and was preparing to lug them back to the office, the very nice Campus Copy man said, "Don't you know that we deliver?" Of course I didn't know that they delivered. If I had, I wouldn't have staggered across Walnut street with my heavy load.

Thankfully, I kept those thoughts in my head and told him politely that I was new and wasn't aware of the delivery option. "Want me to walk you back and help you?" he asked. I almost automatically said no. I'm not used to letting people help me. Yet then, I thought again, and accepted his help. We had a nice walk back to my office, chatting about our jobs and the weather, and his 7 month old son.

Making copies ain't so bad at Penn, I thought. Then I remembered that the School District probably barely has money to make any copies at all.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I would say one of the best moments of my day today was singing to my mom on the phone, early in the morning for her birthday. My mom happens to be one of the most thoughtful people in the world; she sings to me on my birthday and never fails to make me feel incredibly special. Even though I wasn't there to celebrate with her, it was good to hear her voice. Happy Birthday, Mom!!

Just say no. Well, maybe next time....

Today, I got a harsh reality check. I need to start saying no.

For those of you who know me in person or through my blog (by the way, you can always leave comments - that way I'll know I'm not writing into a void!!), you might be laughing a bit at this revelation. Of course, Julie, you're probably thinking. That's a lesson you should have learned a LONG time ago. In theory, I totally get it. It's not possible to do everything. Yet whenever I feel like saying no, I picture something like this happening....

Oh, I don't have a complex that I'm so important that everyone needs me. That's not it. How do I say this without sounding holier than thou? It's just that I take other people's stuff and put it directly on my own plate. A person whom I have barely met needs help finding a mentor teacher for student teaching? Suddenly it's my problem. A former colleague needs help putting together a teaching unit? All me. A co-worker doesn't have access to a car and needs to lug around something heavy? My issue. (Even though I don't actually own a car). Need help moving? Sure, although I have two formerly broken wrists. Editing a paper? Working on a resume? Feeding your cat? Cooking vegan muffins for the office? I'm your girl. Once I typed up my great great aunt's memoirs, and then, when the file was deleted from my computer I pulled an all-nighter re-typing it as if it would be the end of the world if I didn't get it done at that exact moment. I actually broke one of my wrists cleaning out my classroom for another teacher, and I found out after injuring myself that she actually didn't want me to clean it. Talk about being a YES person at a sometimes high cost.

It's not that I don't want to do any of this. In fact, I LOVE helping people out. Whenever I think about saying "no", my brain is like....

I'm really good at telling other people to say no. I make my loved ones leave the office when it gets too late (sometimes I have to use my teacher voice to do it!). I tell people to stop grading and go to bed. I counsel others to delegate and take time to relax.

Yet with myself, all I want to do is say YES. Like I said, I love to help! But lately my to-do list has been growing at an alarming rate. I leave every work meeting with 10 more things to do and then go onto my next meeting before I have time to do anything. Yikes. Today, at the moment in which I was standing in the metaphorical quicksand of my pile of responsibilities, I got the reality check. My actual workload will never decrease. I'm letting myself get involved with solving problems that aren't mine to solve. I'll burn out pretty quickly at this rate...and I just started two months ago.

If you want the honest truth, one of the main reasons I left teaching was because I was burnt out. Teaching is a really tough position from which to say no. Every time I would think about ditching or delegating something, my mind would picture the effects on the children as something like this:

I'm still involved in education, so I'm well aware that every decision I make will affect kids at some point. Yet I won't be able to do much more from such a sleep-deprived state.

So, my firm resolve is to say "no" (really, to delegate - I can't actually ignore a need) at least one time per day. Are you guys going to hold me to it? Perhaps, comment on the blog? (Can you tell that I would love some comments?). I might need some support, and if you have the same problem, maybe we can support each other. Otherwise, I'll probably end up doing something like this:

Gentrification

"What's up with places like that coming in here, anyways? This place used to be the hood! This place used to be the avenue! They're trying to push us out. It's this gentrification - gentrification - gentrification!"

To the best of my memory, that is word for word what this woman said. She then continued to rant as my friend and I sat outside of Little Baby's on Baltimore Avenue, eating our four dollar ice cream. 

I couldn't help but notice the juxtaposition between Little Baby's, a hip new Philadelphian ice cream shop, and the Chinese food store right next door.

I don't really know what to think about gentrification. I hear this phrase constantly, "This neighborhood is so up and coming. It used to be so much worse!" My friends can now afford to buy property in some of these so-called up and coming areas. 

Yet what is the true definition of "worse"? For this woman, "worse" meant being able to afford rent and property taxes and feeling like a part of the community. This woman was mostly ranting to her friend but kept casting glances over at my friend and I. I'm sure to her, we were a representation of the problem. In that moment, I ate my blueberry ginger ice cream in silence and just listened. 

A patchwork of sounds

Today, I was lying in the grass on a picnic blanket in a park, reading a book, and hearing the clip clop of horse hooves from a carriage ride all at the same time. In the middle of the city. It was glorious.

Get outside!

Today, I planned to continue reading some of my book club book that is being discussed on Wednesday, being woefully behind. Yet it's sure hard to put up a fight against a judgmental looking cat who is actually sitting on your kindle. I felt as if she was sending me a clear message that I should enjoy the beautiful fall day outside instead. And so I did.

Principals who persevere

Today I had the pleasure of accompanying two educators to meet school principals to try and get them excited about partnering with our program. This week was the first week of school in Philly, and Philly is in a severe crisis. Most Philly public schools are missing counselors, nurses and secretaries. All week, I've been hearing horror stories from my friends. I was a bit apprehensive before these meetings, because at the end of such a tough first week of school in Philly, I expected principals to be extremely stressed out and skeptical. 

Yet the two principals I met with today were bright, energetic and fairly cheerful in the face of all of these problems. They were hugely supportive of our program and said they fully supported nutrition education. I couldn't imagine how they could still be functional, let alone motivated after a week like this. Someone needs to be reporting these amazing educators in Philly. 

Stressful Meditation

This evening, a small group wandered over to a "dollar stroll" event in West Philly. Everything was being sold for a dollar. Great concept, but that also meant standing in line for 30 minutes to get 5 tater tots. Geez, when did I turn into such a curmudgeon? The next think you know, I'll be talking about how uncouth kids are these days...

Anyways, we left early to head back to Center City for a free meditation class. Lately, I've been feeling like I must learn to meditate. The sky was grey and ominous. Suddenly, it was POURING rain, and we three were huddled under one umbrella, waiting for the bus. We started laughing because there was no way we wouldn't get soaked. My friend said, "Why is it that every time I try to go to meditation class, it's so stressful to get there!" Isn't that sometimes how it feels though? Sometimes, when going to yoga, I felt like the hardest part was just getting into that room. Carving out that amount of time can feel pretty taxing.

The rain made the bus late, and we didn't make it to the meditation class on time, but the sentiment of stressing out to mediate really made me think. I'll try another foray into meditation, I think. I'll let you guys know how it goes.

MASH

On the way back from a conference in Harrisburg today, my co-workers and I played 11 rounds of MASH. You remember MASH, right? From middle school? In a very scientific way (ha!), you decided whether your friends would live in a Mansion, an Apartment, a Shack or a House. You also added in job choice, number of kids, mode of transportation, spouse and living locale.

Since it's been let's see....almost 20 years since I've played this game, as you can imagine, my world views have changed a bit. I now have more specific visions of all of these topics. I also noticed that my brain doesn't naturally stretch to dream big like I used to (like when I swore I would marry Leonardo DiCaprio). Sometimes I think it's easier for kids to imagine that anything can be possible. As adults, we already have so much set in place that so often we think of all the reasons why something can't happen before thinking of what could happen.

Once I realized this today, I made a concerted effort to think outside of the box. I suggested flying as a mode of transportation, Neal Patrick Harris as my future spouse, Argentina as a place I'd love to live, and a travel writer as my profession. Hey, anything could happen, right??

Unfortunately, since the rules of MASH dictate that I only got one choice of my own per category, I of course ended up living in a shack in Dallas, TX, married to Ben Stiller, with 4 kids, a CIA agent with a cover of used car salesman, and doing the moonwalk as my form of transportation.

Perspective

My office is practically on Penn's campus, so I now have a daily dose of college students in my life. Soon, some of them will be partnering with my organization to help my team run their programs. Currently, they are making that Starbucks coffee line even that much longer. The students seem so much older and more professional than I felt when I was in college.

Heading into the library today, I overheard two students talking. "I'm just a freshman, and I already feel so overwhelmed!" said one. "I know, I have a million things to do! It's just the second week of school! I'm SO stressed!" said the other.

I wanted to stop them right there and give them a stern lecture on how they really have no idea what stress is. That their sole job right now is to be students and focus on their education. That until they have to pay rent, try and find a work life balance with their job and strategize their retirement plan, they won't understand stress at all. That they have WAY more vacation than they ever will once they graduate.

Yet in that moment, I remembered that my perspective is totally different now - almost ten years out of college. I'm just in a different place, with a completely different point of view. So when I passed them, I gave them an empathetic smile. 

Flirting for the good of the group

My grandma has always told me that I am a flirt. During the summers, we would go to this famous place in Missouri, the restaurant with the "throwed rolls". Basically, that meant that you never knew when an out-of-this-world, fresh hot roll was going to be "throwed" at you. My grandma always swore that I flirted with the waiter to get extra hot rolls. "You're trouble!", she would say, winking with mischief in her grin.

I have never considered myself a flirt in any way, shape or form, but I do believe that a big smile can go a LONG way (and I believe I learned that skill from my grandma herself). Tonight, having dinner, the manager stopped by. He asked how everything was, and we struck up a conversation. We found out that he actually grew up in Arkansas and I told him all about my family history there.

The next thing you knew, we all had free samples of ice cream. Flirting? In that moment, it wasn't my intention to flirt. I just smiled widely and asked a ton of questions. But hey - tomato, tomahto, right?

Finishing my tea

I love tea. I love boiling the water for tea, I love picking out new and interesting teas, and I love sipping tea. I haven't always loved tea. In fact, I remember distinctly going out for tea at a nice hotel with my best friend from childhood who lived down the street and her mother, and being embarrassed because I didn't like the taste of tea. Somewhere along the line, the taste of tea clicked for me.

Yet I'm constantly leaving my tea unfinished. Sipping tea requires time and sitting still, and so often, I don't do either. I get my tea ready, take two sips, rush around doing who knows what and, before I know it, I'm rushing out the door.

Today, I consciously sat and did nothing, save sipping my tea. It was glorious.

A postcard from afar

About a week ago, my friend who is filming in South Africa took an amazing picture, and posted it on social media. I wrote, "I want that printed!" and she wrote, "It's on the way!" I smiled, thinking she was obviously joking. After all, I don't expect her to be mailing me packages from South Africa.

Yet, yesterday, there it was.

A photo that my friend took halfway around the world is now in my home. Technology can be a great source of frustration, but - yesterday, it made me feel just a bit more connected.

A moment of peace

The world was rushing around a bit too much for me this week. So, on my walk to meet friends tonight, I didn't listen to music and I didn't text or talk on the phone. I just walked.

When I got to the park, I took a moment to throw a coin into the fountain for good luck.

Then, instead of rushing away, I sat beside the rushing water, and savored the smell of fall. 

The moment when you want to scream at someone for something that's totally not their fault

Today, I rushed from work to a chiropractor appointment. I have a history of having chronic headaches and, believe it or not, having a monthly adjustment has been helping me a bit. I arrived, panting, about ten minutes late (story of my life), anticipating the relief I would feel after my appointment.

I choked out my name to the person at the front desk who, puzzled, said that I didn't have an appointment. I looked at my calendar on my phone, and asked her to check again. No appointment. "You know," I said, "I've been booking appointments here for six months without a problem, but the same thing happened to me last month and the doctor actually took me anyways." "The doctor actually just left," she said.

Right about then came the point where I really wanted to do this:

I realized that the women I was talking to was the woman who had actually booked my appointment for me, last month. It was her first day then, so it was most likely her fault that it wasn't entered correctly. I was also so mad at myself for being late and not catching the doctor before she left.

Yet recently I accepted a month long no complaining challenge. I didn't complete it perfectly, but it did force me to try to think of the situation differently. In that moment, here's what I came up with:

- I'm lucky to be in the situation where a low point of my day is missing my chiropractor appointment. As my friend would point out, this is a first world problem.
- It forced me to get out of work earlier than I would have left otherwise.
- I booked an appointment for Monday with no problem.

I didn't yell at her. I calmly explained that I was frustrated, and that since they didn't confirm appointments, I didn't want to always wonder whether or not I actually had one. She wrote a note to confirm my Monday appointment, and I called it a day and walked out. I'm nowhere near perfect, but it felt good to not become a monster, and Monday isn't too long to wait.

If, that is, I actually have a Monday appointment.

Ice cream in the fall

There's nothing better than a little ice cream in the early fall, when the breeze whistles through the trees, and the air is a bit more crisp and chill. I have always had mixed feelings about the fall. I love the change in weather, but fall has always meant the beginning of school. I didn't have a summer vacation for the first time ever this summer, and I am not starting the school year. For once, I am unequivocally happy about the fall. As long as I can still have coffee ice cream. 

Fake it 'Till You Make it

Today was one of those days when I didn't have the slightest idea of what exactly I was doing. Yet, my grandma's voice kept ringing in my head, telling me to "fake it 'till I made it" and I went ahead anyways.

Instantaneous Gratification

We are in an era of instant gratification. We can order food and have it ready in minutes. Instead of waiting to check out a movie from the video store, we can directly access it online. Clothing can be purchased with a few simple clicks of the mouse. Even photos (if posted on social media) are immediately available for viewing.

It's made us impatient, to say the least. We don't want to wait for anything. That's why the invention of Netflix can be a bit...dangerous.

Orange is the New Black is an original Netflix series that was released in July. All at once. That means that the entire first season was available the first day. Hmm. What does that mean, then, for those of us who can't keep chocolate in our houses without eating it, or who can't go to sleep until they finish a new book? I believe the term might be binge watching.

Today, my fellow viewer and I had a decision. We were 7 episodes into the 13 episode arc, which brought us to our dilemma: should we watch one or two episodes, and save the rest? Or, should we just go ahead and commit to finishing the series?

You can probably guess what won. And that, my readers, is how I spent my Labor Day. I ate the entire proverbial chocolate cake in one sitting.

I am willing to fail!

In Sati class this morning, there was one line about being willing to fail. So many times in life this word is used as a term of defeat. Yet, with these amazingly energetic ladies today, we shouted the phrase out, confident that we use any failure as an opportunity to grow.